Nightmare
by SkyySoriel
Summary: I've tried so hard to make things better, but the regret I feel will never be relinquished. And yet...when the chance comes to save lives, I still can't bring myself to sacrifice my own.


"Tear," I whisper, watching her as she turns around and walks away.

_I hope you die_, her voice echoes and my mind flashes back to Akzeriuth. It's one thing of many that I can't fix. I can't erase that from history. I wish I could. I killed all of those innocent people. They all needed help; they ached for it. Their pains were almost relieved, hope was in sight…and then I destroyed them. Because I'm foolish. I'm weak. I was used like a puppeteer uses an inanimate puppet. Disgusting. Even I make me sick, I can't imagine how others must think of me.

Akzeriuth was ages ago, but the memory of it is clearer than the present. It's sharp, like a physical knife. Constantly stabbing into my mind. It's my fault. It's all my fault. There's nothing I can do to take that time back. There's nothing I can do to redeem myself.

I was never meant to exist. I was never born, like everyone else. I'm artificial. I'm a fake human being. I'm worth less than a worm is worth. At least a worm was made naturally on this earth. I stole a life - Asch's life - just for the sole purpose of stealing all of those lives from Akzeriuth. All I am is darkness. No matter how much I don't want to be evil, evil is all I consist of. There's nothing that can be done.

And Tear's back is small in the distance. She keeps walking until the light envelopes her. It's night where I am, though. Dark, without any stars. No one is here. Tear was the last one to stay by my side. But now even she's gone. Her last words were like acid, burning away at my skin. I feel nauseous and sick. My energy is sucked away, and gravity pushes down on me like rain. I am all alone. I am all alone. I am all…

I try to breath in and tell myself everything is okay. A voice murmurs in my head, trying to console me, but whoever is speaking is far away. I can't understand what they're saying, it's as if they are underwater. _Guy, _my mind whispers. He has always been such a good friend. He would hate me for it, but… I need to redeem myself in whatever way I can. I have to… I can remember Guy's face after Akzeriuth. There was a darkness in his eyes that I have never seen before. I couldn't have even imagined that face before then. He was disappointed, but no… That look told me he was much more than that. Much more that just disappointment or disgust. I can't get that image out of my head. Guy would tell me my life is worth living, just like anyone elses life. But… he's lying. I remember his eyes. And I know he's trying to hide that… But I remember.

Jade is always right. It's like a law or something. My life is worth less than Asch's. That's what he thinks.

It's true. My life is worth less than Asch's. My life is worth less than anyones'.

And Asch… The thought of you makes my stomach churn with unbearable guilt. Not only did I betray you in Akzeriuth by killing all those people, but I stole your life. Your future was going to be so bright, I know it. And now, here you are, facing death and living in an empty shell. That is my fault. I was born to steal your life. And that's the one thing I did perfectly. And it's one of my biggest regrets. I wish there was some way to give it back to you.

The light that Tear disappeared into is fading. Slowly, the white turns into dark. It's a small speck, and then it's gone. Snuffed out like a life. The air seems to get heavier, and the space around me seems to shrink. I'm scared but I don't move. The air around me smells noxious. My senses begin to dim, and it feels like I'm suffocating. The air around me is gone. My mind quickens in panic and then I sit up, panting.

I'm panting hard, sweat rolling down my face. I'm in a bed at the Inn. Guy is sleeping soundly across the room.

I pull my legs up, hugging them close to me, letting the world sink in. It hurts. It hurts thinking about reality. My dreams are troubled and painful, but reality is worse. The world is dying. The world is dying and it's my fault. And here I am, in my bed, trying to comfort myself. I'm dreaming about all the crap that I've done to this world, remembering how much I screwed it all up. I'm scared to die for something I should've died for ages ago. Half of me is trying to talk myself into just living… living a bit longer in the place of millions of lives. I'm scared enough to allow myself to do it. I don't want to die…

But the regret of Akzeriuth pulls me closer to my decision. I look over at Guy, and see him breathing. He's breathing because Tear saved him, when I tried to kill him. I'm breathing because Tear saved me…when I tried to kill me… But there are so many who are not breathing anymore. That's my fault. And again, so many people will die for my mistake. But this time, things are different. I told Tear that I will do what I can.

And this I can do.


End file.
